hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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