My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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