I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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