Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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