I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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