I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
