btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
