Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
