please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
