i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
