I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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