I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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