who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
