All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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