That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
