can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
