if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
