So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
