I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
