I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
