Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
