i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
