I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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