She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
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I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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