I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have already put on my inside pants.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
