Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
