I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
