I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
