Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They have beer where we have blood.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
