I wish i was in the wii world.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
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Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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