Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
