no, he came in my armpit
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
