So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
