He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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