Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
