I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
