So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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