Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
