He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
