If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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