hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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