I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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