Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
