Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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