i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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