dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
