She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
