Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
