Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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