bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
