I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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