i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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