PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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