Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
