If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
