I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
