of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
