she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
