Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
