dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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