you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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