I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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