Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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