i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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