she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
