So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
