remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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