oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
